What are the Emotional Implications of Infertility?

Infertility is a common medical problem with strong emotional implications for the unsuspecting couple whom it affects. Sometimes surrounded by families who ask about their plans for 'expansion' and by friends who seem to have no problems conceiving and bearing babies, these infertile couples can experience traumatic feelings of loss, grief, inadequacy and envy.

Frequently these couples are not prepared to admit that they have a fertility problem and secrecy about the problem is common. This further isolates them from friends and family. Sometimes the strain drives them to blame and distrust each other for what they feel is an inexplicable failure at something that should be so 'natural'.

Not surprisingly they may experience sexual difficulties, overt and covert marital conflict and increasing emotional disruption.

Treatment itself can be very stressful, requiring long and expensive interaction with medical providers. Couples must make complex decisions about the forms of treatment and they way in which this treatment will be managed by them.

This will include considering when treatment should no longer by undertaken. Clearly, careful attention to increasing the sense of personal efficacy in these couples and their capacity to communicate with each other is a critical aspect of the total management of their infertility.

What are the Long Term Effects of Infertility?

For many couples infertility and its treatment is managed well. However for some the emotional issues related to infertility may persist.

The emotional effects of long years of infertility and infertility treatment may affect the couples relationship and may contribute to the reasons they could present for relationship counselling, family therapy or early parenting problems with new babies.

If either parent is not genetically related to the child - for instance if donor gametes have been used or if the child has been adopted - there may be further issues, including the complex question of how and when to inform the child of its origins.

How Can an Infertility Counsellor Help?

The impact of having a fertility problem has not been well recognised in counselling. Feelings of depression, anger, isolation and jealousy, together with loss of control, loss of self esteem and loss of health may all be part of being infertile. Major grief reactions can be triggered by failed and cancelled cycles, early pregnancy loss, fear of pregnancy loss or advancing maternal age. Counselling can help with these stresses, provide support information and an opportunity to explore disturbing feelings. It can also often help couples address some of the complex ethical issues relating to their treatments. Counselling can also assist in decision making regarding treatment methods and suggest ways for couples to develop strong and affectionate relationships with appropriate goals for their future lives.